Men, Get the Facts

Common, but not healthy.

Unfortunately it’s common, but it’s very unhealthy for a man and his marriage.

A man becomes less satisfied with his wife in bed, yet he’s comparing her to fictional sex and fiction about what women really like.

Porn is Destructive to Your Relationship -

If you’ve been consuming porn, we understand why. She may be feeling used and dissatisfied with you in bed. Your porn use can significantly change your marital bed, because of the your detachment, because you may bring in suggestions or behaviors she finds degrading, because of your quick finish. Porn is not a benign activity, it’s powerfully destructive on your attitudes toward your most important relationship.

You and your family may still suffer.

If you’re married, you may deprive your relationship of intimacy and bonding that only the act of sex within a marriage can create.

The other component of masturbating are the fantasy images that accompany it. Your wife and your children may be getting shortchanged; men with this kind of fantasy life tend to check out of the family environment around them. Your job can suffer for the same reason.

Don't shortchange yourself.

This is a difficult one to hear, but you’re shortchanging yourself. You’re training yourself for unhealthy dating expectations. Many young men are passing on dating altogether, substituting with porn.

Your career and finances may suffer as you divert creative energy into your fantasy life. Additionally, you’re setting yourself up for failure in the bedroom.

Absolutely.

It’s the most common sex addiction. This behavior usually begins in adolescence and may become habitual, depending on various factors in a young man’s life. A sex addict may have additional behaviors, but masturbation is almost a given.

Examine your behavior.

These four components of behavior will be present, just as in substance addiction:

1. Compulsivity – out of control in the behavior, despite repeated attempts to stop.
2. Continuation- despite negative consequences to relationships, work, finances, health.
3. Preoccupation or Obsession – distracting from relationships, shortchanging careers, stealing time from other pursuits
4. Tolerance - escalation of the same behavior or progression to more destructive behavior is required to get the same good feeling.

Sexual addiction is the way some people attempt to fill inner emptiness, medicate past pain, deal with the stresses of life or attempt to fill legitimate, unmet needs. Their sexuality becomes their major coping mechanism in their life. Sex addiction is used in the same way as a mood-altering drug. A person can’t stop this sexual behavior for a lengthy period of time on their own. Ultimately, sex addiction isn't about sex, but way of dealing with life.

There is always hope.

Absolutely, yes, and beyond, as sexual purity is a profound step to opening the gateway to living out your God-designed destiny, previously taken off-course. Healing takes time and work, but you can experience a restoration of emotions, relationships, sexual intimacy, financial integrity and spiritual rebirth.

But you could solve the problem NOW.

Rather than compare your behavior to other men, consider this: there’s a continuum on the scale of habitual behavior, and the more you exercise the habit, the more ingrained it will be. To get more insight, click on "Men’s Stories" to see what we mean. So instead of waiting until you’re farther along the continuum, why not address it now?

Yes.

180 Days

The initial program will take approximately 180 days to complete, depending on the individual. After this time, we recommend you sponsor others and help facilitate an AVENUE group to continue your healing and recovery.

We prioritize confidentiality.

We do everything we can to maintain your confidentiality. Every man in a group wants the same courtesy, and we establish the guidelines of privacy at the first meeting. Every leader was once previously a group member and understands firsthand the desire for confidentiality.

We are stronger together.

The benefits of forging through with other men as you heal are inexhaustible. Other men become a mirror for you; as you listen to their stories, you will see your own situation with more objectivity.

You will find a broader perspective of the common issues and you will experience a healthy bond and friendship. Like men who have gone through war together, you will experience supportive relationships that few can match.

One incredible discovery that men always make in these groups is that the similarity of the lies they’ve come to believe about themselves tend to be very common. We encourage each man to go beyond introspection, and to look at what his best life could be.

The curriculum will provide a compass to direct his path, and he will be strengthened in his efforts by his group buddies.

Isolation is your enemy.

Isolation is the enemy of healing. It is our shame that keeps us silent. Our embarrassment over our situation keeps us locked up in secrets. We wear a mask to hide, often with even our best friends and family members.

We designed AVENUE groups to protect your dignity and dispel your fears. Through reading this website – and possibly the book – each man has identified issues in his life that are on target with the problems we’ve described here.

Every man in an AVENUE peer group has parallel goals. In that setting, you can end your isolation and help each other remove the mask of shame you’re wearing.

Don't let pride get in your way.

This is a common response about being in a group. It stems from the misunderstanding of the real core problem.

Every man in the group is dealing with similar heart issues but instead, they tend to focus on the tangible: his actions vs. my actions.

Every man who wants to reclaim sexual integrity needs to do the same work.

Sure, maybe the guy who has gone really deep will have to work harder, but that isn’t always the case. The guy that holds onto his “I’m not so bad” mantra will ultimately have a harder time because his pride keeps him complacent, instead of allowing him to focus on his own need for change.

AVENUE: Rooted in God's truth and love.

First and foremost, they are rooted in God's truth and love.

The AVENUE Operation Destiny series effectively helps men identify and heal the root cause of compromising behavior. Adopting healthy behavior can be both frustrating and elusive without also identifying and healing root causes.

AVENUE groups are volunteer-led by men who understand, because they too, have been there. It is impossible to overstate the value of the group. The encouragement and accountability men receive in our groups is on a level that isn’t found in other recovery groups.

Men say it is the one thing makes the difference in their own restoration. We help men reach beyond the goal of sexual integrity to improve other important areas of their lives, but whether or not a man will surrender to the process of healing is in his control alone.

In a word, no.

AVENUE is a Christ-centered ministry, but you don’t have to believe in God to attend a group.

We encourage men from all backgrounds to make use of this study. The curriculum never dilutes God’s truth in order to accommodate other belief systems.

While we won't muzzle our dialogue or spend group time debating other beliefs, we believe that the curriculum contributes universal value to the life of every man, because God's principles work in the world, whether you believe in them or not.