Found Out. Now What?

“I’ve been discovered. My double life has caused great damage and it’s like I’ve stabbed my wife in the heart, even disowned God. I’m ashamed. I fully own my betrayal, but I don’t know how to make things better.”

You aren’t alone. You want your relationships back; with God and with your wife. Set your expectations accordingly and be patient. Consider the harm you’ve inflicted. Whether or not your wife is willing to stay in the marriage, you can take steps to heal, and, help her heal.

Recognize:

  • She needs space to heal, in her own way, on her own timeline.
  • You can’t fix the damage you inflicted; only God can restore with your participation.
  • She can’t be pressured to accept your declaration of change.
  • You can’t expect a positive response to your new behavior.
  • You must learn, in time, to be honest and transparent as doing so is a sign of your changed heart and sincere love for the Lord and your wife..
  • She is struggling with the reality that you’ve deceived her.
  • She is disoriented in unspoken ways that you may never know, or understand.
  • She is afraid to trust that you have control over your desires.
  • She needs to rely on God more than she can rely on you.
  • You must follow her lead and refrain from requiring her to assure you of the outcome you desire.
  • You must become, “A Man of No Rights,” as doing so may result in more than you can imagine.
  • You shouldn’t give up on her.
  • She may or may not have stuck with you thus far. While painful, it’s not the end of the story.
  • Your job is to trust God who can and will forgive and restore you, and, possibly your marriage.
  • Trust God to direct your next steps as if your life and future depends on it, because they do.

Pray for:

  • God to change your hurtful desires.
  • God to release your need to control.
  • God to show you how to give her the space she needs.
  • God to help you participate wholeheartedly in Avenue’s Operation Destiny program.
  • God to become “A Man of No Rights,” just as Jesus modeled and changed the world for good.
  • God to use your storm to bring her the love she has been missing.
  • God to redeem and restore.

 

You can’t force trust or healing. It may be a long road, but let her determine the pace. Let her rely on the Lord to determine that pace. Be the disciple who trusts in the Lord for forgiveness and restoration. In doing so, God will change your character for the better in becoming the noble man of God He designed you to be.

For over 20 years, Avenue has been helping thousands of men like you achieve their goals of real freedom, integrity, and a meaningful life. We will help you walk in freedom again. We will help you experience answers to the prayers above.

If you need to talk with another man who’s been there and been restored, or ask questions about our confidential restoration groups, you can email men@avenue.works