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We know the shock, anger, grief and fear that can overwhelm and threaten to take you under. You need someone that understands, hope, and a plan. The Healing Choice series is all that, reading the pages is like someone got inside your head. The pages are filled with reasons to hope for your circumstances, but most importantly for your own healing. The other vital thing you need is another woman, or a few just like you, who are also reeling and trying to find their footing for this unintended journey to find restoration and healing for yourself and possibly your marriage. Don’ t hesitate to take these steps. Go to our shop “Equip” and get the Healing Choice 3 book series now. Then sign up for our Community where you’ ll find your way to the other women who need the same connection.

Change is a certain outcome when a man applies himself to the principles and practices found in Avenue’ s Men’ s program ‘ Operation Destiny’ . He isn’ t given a 30 day ‘ get fixed’ promise. He is offered tools, information and a vibrant men’ s community that will serve him for life, no matter what else is going on in it.

Unfortunately, it’s typical, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy for a man or his marriage. He is called to guard against temptation. Men by nature are God designed to be sexually stimulated by visual cues, but pornography taints a man’ s own values and adversely affects his attitude toward his most important relationships. Pornography is not a benign activity; the porn user becomes less satisfied with their mate, learns fiction – rather than fact – about female sexuality, and ends up placing decreased value in fidelity. This kind of behavior is progressive; one thing leads to another.

In a word, no. Victoria’ s real ‘ Secret’ is they have put in-your-face
pornography in mall windows, unsolicited catalogues and commercials. Provocative clothing, seductive gestures, alluring dialogue and suggestive behavior all have the power to illicit sexual desire. Now our electronic and print media is now saturated with these soft porn images. 

The average woman has been made to feel silly and insecure when voicing discomfort if her husband gawks at this erotica. The sad fact is, our culture is continually chiseling away at godly standards, and labels coarse things normal. The definition of pornography is simply “the depiction of an image intended to arouse sexual desire”. A man does not need to see hard porn in order to be aroused sexually.

It's common for women to begin obsessing over other women's looks when betrayed. While it's a natural reaction, it's not healthy for you. In the Healing Choice, you'll learn how to overcome this new focus.

Your pastor may be well intentioned, but not well prepared to deal with this issue. Placing your trust in God is a good thing; placing your trust in your husband right now is quite another. The pastor’ s response only creates more hurt, implying that you were the cause of his betrayal. You need the input of people that have been there, understand your devastation, and your needs. There is absolutely hope of restoration of your marriage, but it will take your husband putting in serious effort and measurable change.

Time itself doesn’t heal wounds. Time is one component, but other things need to occur for ‘getting beyond it’ to happen. When to trust, how to forgive, how to grieve your losses, are just a few issues, and really understanding those in light of this circumstance is imperative to your health. Most women fail the short quiz on ‘ Trust’ in our Healing Choice Guidebook. What a woman thinks is required to get over an affair is usually far from the mark. Forgiveness, ditto. So we can think we’re doing the right things, godly things, but missing vital understanding. All that is made crystal clear in our Guidebooks, soundly scripturally based.

Your husband’s actions are his own responsibility. Often, the husband walks into the relationship with a masturbation habit, and thinks it will dissipate once married. But it’ s a decade or more old habit. Ingrained. It doesn’ t disappear magically. So he squanders his sexual energy this way, the easy way, instead of romancing his wife, and the honeymoon fades. Every spouse is called to meet the other’ s physical needs for intimacy, and to help diminish temptation. But he doesn’ t put in the effort you desire and just wants to get to the point like he does with masturbation. For some men, porn has been a companion all along, but with the internet, it has changed the game, and it becomes an obsession for the man. That’ s when men radically change, either withdrawing sexually, or wanting you to act out their online fantasies.

Sometimes a husband lays blame on his wife for how she looks or dresses. While taking care of one’s appearance is one outward expression of respect to our partner, one’ s looks can never be an excuse for a betrayal of intimacy. We’ve seen this blame shifting used on every type of woman, from supermodel to grandmother. While your attention to grooming and sex matter, it doesn’t excuse him of responsibility. This holds true whether his betrayal is in relation to pornography or physical infidelity.

What our groups are NOT: A co-dependency group. NOT: A lecture to just ‘ stand by your man’ . NOT: Boring! We have as much laughter as we do tears in our groups. This is absolutely a Christian based ministry, but we don’ t distort scripture to persuade you to a certain outcome. It’ s always a surprise for women to encounter other women just like themselves; once they have this unique place to be themselves where they can vent, and figure the rest out, they can’ t imagine trying to deal with all of it on their own. One incredible discovery women make in these groups is the similarity of the lies they have come to believe from their husbands and of their own making. While some discussion is about partners, the only person she has the power to control is herself. Each woman is encouraged to look at what her best life could be, and The Healing Choice Guidebook will provide a compass to direct her path to choices and changes.

HOPE is just one positive word that group participants use to describe their experience studying through our program. Our understanding is that you’ ve experienced trauma because of your husband’s betrayal. We’ve understood that reality since we founded these studies in 1995, because we have been there, we know you have a different set of needs, and we understand what those are.

The framework of some other groups is a co-dependent model; at the outset you’re automatically labeled as ‘part of the problem’ . The APA just released their findings, after 20 years treating women automatically as co-dependent, they finally came to the same conclusion, in their words, “changing treatment to the ‘ trauma model’ after considering evidence over 20 years treating women using their ‘co-dependent model.'”

Isolation is the enemy of healing. It is our shame that keeps us silent. Our embarrassment over our situation keeps us locked up in secrets. We wear a mask to hide, often even with our best friends and family members. AVENUE groups are designed to protect your dignity and dispel your fears. Through reading this website, each woman identifies issues in her marriage that are on target with the problems we’ve described, so every woman in an AVENUE peer group is on the same, unintended journey. In this setting, you can end isolation while helping each other remove the cloak of shame you’re wearing. Being with other women has it’ s benefits. Isolation disappears. Fear takes a back seat. Solutions get a foothold. Healing accelerates.

Good! Don’ t live like this anymore! Whether you’ ve caught him again using porn, or he didn’ t break off the affair as he promised he would, God doesn’ t want you to live this way. He doesn’ t want you to tolerate ungodly behavior. While it’ s possible to restore a marriage, it involves two willing people. The Healing Choice Guidebook will help you make wise decisions that will optimize the possibility of healing after an affair, your husband changing, and for your marriage to be restored. You can’ t change him, but there are important decisions and actions you can learn about and take that can be the catalyst for change to happen in your husband and your marriage. If both are participating, God will bring you to a better place than you ever experienced before.

A 90 year old man that never betrayed his wife in 70 years of marriage would have had a lifelong habit to guard his eyes and his heart from the temptations he encountered; to flee from the temptation mentally and physically. I make this statement because many a wife insists that a healed man should have an on/off switch on his sexuality.

That would solve a lot of problems! But God didn’t build men that way; He hardwired them for sexuality that ensured female attraction, falling in love, procreation and protection of his own. It didn’t turn off at the altar, and it doesn’t turn off when he gets his priorities right. Through the Avenue program, men are given many tools customized to their needs and circumstances, to overcome when temptation comes so that it does not overtake them. 1 Corinthians 10:13.

Part of his healing is in learning how his sexual energy powers much more than the sex act itself. Creativity, innovation, leadership, earning capability, romance, and fatherhood to name a few.