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Learn the signs of sexual betrayal, the unseen effects, and answers to common concerns.
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Do you wonder "IS THIS NORMAL?" See if you identify with questions asked by other women in this same circumstance.
Written by Susan Allen, who has helped women for 20 years deal with these devastating issues.
Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma
MOST WOMEN EXPERIENCE:
- Feeling violated due to partner’s sexual behaviors.
- Feeling alone in it, isolated.
- Intense feelings of fear since discovery, occasionally to frequently.
- Recurring thoughts about his actions, randomly triggered by environment, events, associations, and memories.
- Feeling like it happened because she’s not good enough.
- Scrutinizing her own looks and in a way she never did prior.
- Comparing to other women. Jealousy about other women.
- Feeling increasingly angry in response to partner.
- Life being more chaotic, losing her moorings.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Difficulty sleeping.
- Degrees of depression.
- Avoiding sexual contact with partner.
- Loss of self-esteem.
- PTSD. The symptoms are already described here, and more.
- Trauma symptoms linger and escalate when left unattended.
Let us help you work through all the issues you are experiencing.
LEARN THE SIGNS OF SEXUAL BETRAYAL
WHEN PORN IS THE OTHER WOMAN
Your partner’s porn use can feel just as hurtful as an affair. We know. Distrust, anger and jealousy are normal emotions in the face of this kind of betrayal.
Your husband may have minimized porn's harm. But this intrusion between you and your partner can be just as damaging to a relationship as an affair. The images he has viewed do come between you and him. For you, it may devastate intimacy and trust. For him, it prompts comparisons and unhealthy sexual expectations from you. Porn has a very negative impact on a man’s view of sex. The destructive nature of it has likely deeply affected his attitudes and behavior toward sex with you. The unspoken reality is that men don't just look at porn, it is a masturbation tool. He creates a fantasy that can never be matched in real life, not with anyone. Because porn involves only serving 'self', he takes that attitude into his sexual relationship with you. Lovemaking is replaced with your performance and a rush to the finish line.
He may detach from family involvement, and
seem distant while present. Porn may consume most of his free time, but hidden by other stated activities. Porn use erodes his own values, and is usually a precursor to physical infidelity. Left unchecked, porn use can become a slave master, an outright addiction. But there is hope.
We understand your needs at this time. We understand how to help your partner, if he is willing. We’ve helped many relationships to be restored from this very place, and into a fresh new direction.
Q and A
Susan Allen interview on Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey
How can you know if he has a sex addiction?
Susan Allen and Brenda Stoeker, women married to former sex addicts, best-selling author Fred Stoeker and pastor Clay Allen, tell of their own husbands’ struggle, and make wives aware of the classic warning signs of sexual addiction.
Embracing Forgiveness Despite His Choice
Does your husband’s past still trouble you? Susan Allen and Brenda Stoeker talk about their choice to love and forgive their husbands after finding out about their involvement with pornography.
Moving Beyond Betrayal
Does your marriage need healing? Susan Allen and Brenda Stoeker moved beyond their husbands’ sexual betrayals by implementing God’s grace and forgiveness, and tell wives how their marriages can be healed as well.
" Though I know logically I'm not the only one, it feels that way. I'm keeping it from my family and friends. I'm walking around with gaping wounds no one notices. Everyone is living their lives as usual, unaffected by the dropped bomb. I'm afraid what others will think of me, or him."
In this crisis, we're vulnerable to other's judgement. It's wise to proceed with caution, but isolation is your enemy. It's important to have a few safe people in your life that you can share with, and know you won't be judged. Loving relationships may not be equipped for meeting all your needs though, to vent, work thoughts through, find answers and make choices. That's why Avenue small group gatherings were born.