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     You’ve come to      the right place.

          There is absolute hope for your future.           

We will help you find the answers you need to make wise decisions for your future, heal the wounds of betrayal and loss, and discover the possibilities to restore your relationship. 

START HERE TO GET INFORMED

Learn the signs of sexual betrayal, the unseen effects, and and answers to common concerns.

   

Is Porn The Other Woman?

Your husband’s use of porn can be just a hurtful as an affair. We know. Distrust, anger, insecurity, and fear are common emotions in the face of this kind of betrayal.

Betrayed Vows?

When you experience a betrayal in your marriage, you need a wise, understanding counselor to guide you safely through the raging storms of anger, hurt, bitterness and devastation. We've made this journey. We are that guide.

Need Restoration?

You may be hoping for the restoration of your marriage. This is a real possibility when both you and your husband are involved in attending to your individual recovery, wounds, and healing. This the first step to bring about restoration of marriage.

GET '20 QUESTIONS' LIST ~ FREE!

"IS THIS NORMAL?"  DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH QUESTIONS ASKED BY OTHER WOMEN IN THIS SAME CIRCUMSTANCE?

Written by Susan Allen, who has helped women for 20 years deal with these devastating issues.

RED FLAGS

IS MY HUSBAND A SEX ADDICT?

Sexual addiction is a real phenomenon. People can get caught up on the word addiction. Bad habit will suffice. A heroin habit can destroy you. So can a porn habit. It usually starts with porn, and that by itself is harmful to the marriage. Porn and the behaviors that accompany its use are very habit forming. Internet porn has an extreme escalation factor on porn addiction. As this habit progresses, the person may move into the arena of physical contact: live shows, prostitutes, one night stands, affairs. No matter which behavior, a person can become hooked on sexual stimuli, sexual encounters and sexual release.

There are pleasurable chemical releases in the brain that occur during sex. God intended those good feelings to create an intimate bond between a husband and wife. However, as it is for all things that are abused and used in ways never intended, those chemicals can bond a person to destructive behavior.

Any woman asking this question is likely aware of some aspect of his sexual behavior, and needs answers.

To be considered addicted, these 4 components must be present:

  1. Compulsivity – out of control despite repeated attempts to stop.
  2. Continuation - despite negative consequences to relationships, work, finances and health.
  3. Preoccupation or Obsession – distracting from relationships, shortchanging careers, stealing time from other pursuits.
  4. Tolerance - escalation of the behavior or progression to more intense behavior needed to get same feeling.

Addiction results from using things in unhealthy ways in an attempt to fill inner emptiness, medicate past pain, deal with stress or fill legitimate, unmet needs.  Sex is used in the same way as a mood-altering drug. Once a person's behavior becomes addictive, one typically can’ t stop this behavior for a lengthy period of time on their own. They will need specific help, support and guidance to allow time for physical healing to do it's work, while restoring the mind and emotions. Ultimately, sex addiction isn't about sex, but way of dealing with life. You're in the right place to get the knowledge and support for yourself and your husband now.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF SEXUAL BETRAYAL?

Mostly practiced in secret and easily hidden, if you check off a few of these common symptoms, it’s not a verdict, but there is cause for concern. If his behavior matches many of these, it's certain you need our resources, to help you find answers and understand how to navigate it all.

  1. He is unaccountable for time away from home, works late, travels often, won’t commit to a set time to be home and is defensive about his schedule.
  2. His schedule has changed dramatically, you used to spend time on the weekend together, now he’ s always working or involved in a sport.
  3. He’ s private or secretive about his cell phone, computer, and finances.
  4. You discover he has another cell phone, email account etc. that he didn’t tell you about, and isn’t work related.
  5. He spends a lot of time on the Internet, refuses to use a filtering service, is often on the computer during normal sleep hours, or early morning.
  6. You found unusual receipts, phone numbers, phone bills, credit charges.
  7. He has unpredictable moods, anger or depression, he blames you for his unhappiness, anger and shortcomings.
  8. His sexual interest in you has waned or increased dramatically; during sex he’ s distant and mentally preoccupied, you feel used.
  9. He demands certain sexual performances and gets upset when refused; he wants you to dress or groom a specific way.
  10. He has changed his looks, style, hair, cologne and exercise habits over a short time period.
  11. You have a lot of debt that he is either unconcerned about, or is in total denial about the financial situation.
  12. When questioned, he says you’re crazy, jealous, or have a vivid imagination.
  13. You regularly consider whether he’ s lying to you.

If your husband’s behavior matches with this list, encourage him that help is right here for him at Avenue for Men. No matter what he decides, take care of yourself by reading the Healing Choice series, and connect with the Community.

Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma

MOST WOMEN EXPERIENCE:

  • Intense feelings of fear since discovering partner’s sexual behaviors, occasionally to often.
  • Feeling violated due to partner’s sexual behaviors.
  • Avoids sexual contact with partner since discovering his behavior.
  • Feels like it happened because she’s not good enough. She scrutinizes her looks and other women in a way she never did prior.
  • Have recurrent thoughts about his actions, randomly triggered by environment, events, associations and memories.
  • After discovering partner’s sexual betrayals, feels increasingly angry in response to partner.

25% of women are still experiencing these symptoms two years after discovery. If she doesn't work through trauma, grief and loss issues, these symptoms can linger and even escalate. We hope you join with us on your unintended journey. Take the next step and order your Healing Choice series now.

We believe you won't regret it.

Q and A

" Though I know logically that I'm not the only one, it feels that way. I'm keeping it from my parents and only told one friend. I feel like I'm walking around half dead, and everyone is living their lives as usual, not having a clue. I'm afraid what others will think of me, or him."

In this specific crisis, we are very vulnerable to the judgement of others. It's understandable to proceed with caution. But isolation is also your enemy. It's important to have a few safe people in your life that you can share your circumstance with, and know you won't be judged. Even so, these loving relationships may not be equipped for the intensity of need for you to vent, work thoughts through, find answers and make choices. That's why Avenue small group gatherings were born.

 

Avenue works!

Our 'HEALING CHOICE'  journey is comprehensive

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